"How many feelings do you have?...

Possibly my all time favorite work moment

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:22:56 GMT

Me, referring to a grown man: Why is that man just throwing everything everywhere?
Lilly, age 9, without missing a beat: Because he needs a nanny.

different ideas of fun

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:31:43 GMT

It is not that I do not like fun, it is just that my idea of fun could be different from what someone else enjoys. For example, my idea of fun pretty much entails reading quietly in my room. It does not generally entail excess alcohol consumption, large groups of people, and shouting.

Lately, everyone seems to want to put in their two cents about how I spend my weekend nights. Apparently, I'm not doing it right. Given that my social circle is west coast based, I do not have the option of going out with my friends and I am not temperamentally suited to go out and "party" with random strangers in an effort to make new friends. (I used to be. Now I am not). I do not want new friends, especially not ones with different ideas of fun. I do not lack friends, it is just that they are not geographically accessible. I do not wish to meet new people if doing so entails putting myself in a social setting where I feel uncomfortable. It just so happens that there are many social situations in which I feel uncomfortable, thus I avoid them.
Perhaps when I see my friends again, I will be inclined to drink a bit too much and shout every once in a while. But for now I want to read. In my room. Alone. Wearing earplugs. And I do not want anyone to give me a hard time about it.

If you don't stop, I will start

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 06:36:34 GMT

Actual life update soon but for right now...
I really do not understand my neighborhood. At all.

I am convinced that a bunch of idiots get together to form an Idiot Music Counsel, to determine which idiot songs they need to play, at top volume, over and over, either driving by my house or in one of the nearby establishments. Currently, The Idiot Counsel is obsessed with what may very well be The Worst Song in the World. You know, the one where the guy is "trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectfuuullllll" and then proceeds to describe the movement of said girl's bottom. Not since the "toes/nose" song of a couple years ago have I despised a song with such conviction.

The Idiot Convention has taken up residence in the hookah lounge downstairs. First, they were playing one of those songs that give instructions in the lyrics about how to do a synchronized dance. I hate those sorts of songs. Then, they were singing at the top of their lungs to "Get Low."
As I am typing this, they are SHOUTING along to Nelly's "Hot in Here." Why? Dear Lord, why? It is 2:30 AM. If you are going to be so loud at this hour, it is imperative that you have better taste in music. Stop playing the same shitty rap songs from 3-6 years ago!

I like my apartment but I am toying with the idea of calling the cops on The Idiots. Can I? I know it would make me an old lady but do I have a legal right to not hear idiots in the middle of the night? Alternatively, I can burn some cds, go down there in my pyjamas, and respectfully recommend the virtues of Against Me!

Happy birthday to me!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 03:37:19 GMT

This year I spent my birthday doing my own thing, which mostly involved listening to the following on repeat:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXk_KVNfInU

I'm not really a fan of the original band, the band covering it, or the song but this version is pretty much the best thing ever. How did that happen?

Also, an unexpected number of people under the age of 10 remembered my birthday and there was much singing and cuteness!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:26:58 GMT

I would've been fine had he not disarmed me with his Britishness.

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 04:18:11 GMT

"My apartment isn't 'gross,' it's an art installation."

So what if my room has no furniture? We can distract me with insane!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 04:34:13 GMT

My professional life brings me the occasional gem. Today, I was given this to watch. It is so, so insane:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjH49ejmQx4

What is happening? Why are these people so crazy? Is that a pig on the bus? What? Why?
The next time I board a bus, I am going to brandish my Metrocard and refer to it as "my funky bus fare."

insane

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 03:03:47 GMT

Today at work I called to order a pizza. This is what occurred:

Me: Apartment 9B
Order taker: 9D?
Me: No, B, as in "boy."
Order taker: OH! B as in "baby." Like you, baby!
Me: Um...
Order taker: What would you like to order, baby?
Me, by this point completely shocked: Uh...A small cheese pizza.
Order taker: That's all, baby?

Does anyone know what was going on here? I didn't! Was I being hit on via phone by a pizza man, or insulted by him? And how can one get away with either of those behaviors in one's place of employment?

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 02:56:36 GMT

LOOK AT MY NEW ICON!
I can't remember ever being this excited about anything in a long time.
"I'm on a boat and
It's going fast and
I've got a nautical theme pashmina afghan..."
It just DOESN'T STOP BEING FUNNY!

Speaking of funny, did you see them trying to portray my line of work on top model? HILARIOUS!
Speaking of work, I'm doing 60 hours this week! Needless to say, I've gone insane. The good kind of insane to be at work. The kind of insane where I used a kitchen utensil as a "microphone" to serenade the children and their dog to The Cab's "I'll Run."

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 15:00:42 GMT

I just drove on both the Meadowbrook Parkway and the LIE. I think it's entirely reasonable to believe that I will be able to pass a road test by June.
Of course, I don't intend to drive on a regular basis once I have my license because the commute to places I go regularly (aka work) would actually take longer by car.

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 05:14:17 GMT

How to make crepes, Jess and Riss style:

1. pledge to be salmonella free
2. take inventory of ingredients. Go to grocery store to pick up what isn't in the house. Proceed to run all around trying to locate nutella. Fail. Ask an authority figure, who informs you that it's in the deli section. Procure the nutella while puzzling over what, exactly, it's doing all the way over there. Pastrami and nutella sandwich, anyone?
3. Go home. Learn that there are no measuring implements in the kitchen. Improvise using a coffee pot and a container that once held yogurt.
4. Realize that the eggs Rissie pulled out of the fridge expired on the 5th of October. This is in direct violation of a salmonella free evening!
5. run back to store, leaving half finished batter on counter. Hope that it doesn't congeal.
6. make it to the store just after closing. Negotiate with manager to let us in, as the fate of our crepes depends on it
7. run home, find batter intact
8. put on French rap! and French country! and sad, sad French women!
9. when offered a pan, take the cast iron skillet
10. realize that the cast iron skillet is awfully hot and awfully heavy, making it difficult to pick up to do the wrist-swishy motion crucial to crepe making. Wrap handle in towel. Resign self to a wrist workout
11. inadvertently make crepes shaped like angel fish
12. fill crepes with spinach, mushrooms, basil, and garlic sauteed in olive oil. Add brie. Lots and lots of brie
13. consume
14. make dessert crepes using nutella, jam, honey, and amaretto
15. enjoy while watching a French satire about...well, nothing, actually

Five Things That Don't Suck

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 04:37:04 GMT

1. getting invited to a party by another nanny
2. Travis McCoy is a godfather to Mini-Pete. But where are the photos? WHERE ARE THE PHOTOS?!?!?!?!
3. I get to see the girls I used to sit for on Saturday!
4. This weekend, I've decided to spend money! I haven't been to Beacon's Closet since coming back to NY in an effort to avoid the spending of money. Well, no more. Thanks, extra hours at work!
5. I get to see John in his natural habitat in a mere 15 days!!!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 02:37:43 GMT

I can't decide what the highlight of the week is:
The arrival of Bronx Mowgli (I don't even know...What?...Why? Have either of them even set foot in the Bronx?)
or
Hearing "Tonight We're Gonna Give it 35%" live for the first time ever.

Can't we make the song instrumental?

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 05:11:30 GMT

I didn't know this existed until about a month ago. Since then, I have watched compulsively. Consider "Clothes Off!!" officially bumped from my number one favorite music video spot.

As long as I'm talking about things I'm watching, this weekend, at my grandparents, I saw Kermit the Frog and a lady with a thick southern accent deep fry an entire cake on television!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 23:13:21 GMT

This weekend:

1. Was Tom Gabel's birthday!
2. brought chicken feet, yarn, and leaves!
3. Is about to bring The Mountain Goats!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 05:21:53 GMT

Today, I wore red, white, and blue and exchanged smiles with like-minded strangers during my commute.

Incidentally, one of the best things about working with kids is seeing how excited they are about the outcome of the election. I don't think there's been any other politician that the under 10 set has responded to so positively. When Obama comes on their television screen, suddenly it's like, "Hannah Montana, who?"

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:06:19 GMT

All of a sudden, I am fairly convinced that Ed Westwick is the most attractive person on the planet.
I like the way he moves his eyebrows when he speaks.

and! AND!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:47:47 GMT

I have no idea what to make of this...
I just got an email from a German publishing house saying that my thesis caught their attention and they want to publish it.
??????
What is this? Is this some sort of scam? Any other Reed grads out there get emails from German academic publishing companies?
This is so random! It would be even more random if this is legit and I can put "thesis published in Germany" on a grad school application.
Germany? Me as a published academic? WHAT?!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 05:05:29 GMT

Soon...

I AM GOING TO SEE MY NON-HETERO, HETERO LIFEMATE!!!

And a lot of other insanely awesome people as well.

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 05:06:30 GMT

Has anyone else spent a large percentage of the past couple of days being super concerned about Travis Barker? Plane crash = yikes!

Totally unrelated but I found the following article to be 100% correct. Do you?
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=675052

In the words of Billy Bragg:

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 00:23:51 GMT

"I'm 22 now, but I won't be for long."

On Katy Perry

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 18:39:12 GMT

I just turned on the radio to hear:

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS like a bitch, I should know

OK, let's count the ways in which this is offensive. A quick google search attributed this incredibly misogynistic garbage to none other than Katy Perry. No surprise there.
I've never listened to "I Kissed a Girl" all the way through. Mostly because it's just a crap song but yes, I do see how it is offensive. MANY people have written about how offensive this song is to people who actually identify as bisexual or lesbians. I kissed a girl, but don't worry boys, I just did it as a fun little party trick to seem sexy! After all, kissing girls is, "not what good girls should do" it's just "an experimental game."
In spite of my objections to this song, I still gave the girl the benefit of the doubt. After all, she's romantically linked to Travis McCoy, she can't be all bad. Then I heard "U R So Gay." Worse and worse! Why is it the worst thing you can say about a male in our culture is that he's effeminate? He's not into her, or stereotypically male things and this makes him a villain...how?
This "Hot N Cold" song though is just my limit. I'm not in the habit of actively disliking celebrities, but Katy Perry has just joined Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag, and Miley Cyrus on my List Of People I Can't Stand.

I know, I know, I'm a hypocrite. I do like many rap artists and as we all know, those songs are all about, "Have sex with me, bitch, or I'll slap you." Even the emo/pop-punk genre which probably dominates most of my musical collection is incredibly sexist. There's violence towards women (blah blah blah you don't love me so I'll "take my spoon, dig out your blue eyes" - Saves the Day). There's the "she's a slut" stereotype (just listen to The Maine- The Way We Talk). Something Corporate's "Leaving Through the Window" is one of my favorite CDs ever and it's shockingly offensive to women on many levels, from the album art (the cover depicts a cleavage-centered shot of a woman, well, leaving through a window) to lyrics like "If she gets nowhere in life at least she knows she's pretty." If I got rid of all of my music that depicted women negatively in one way or another, I'd have no music left! Still, there's something about Katy Perry that rubs me the wrong way.
What do you think of her?

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:43:33 GMT

"Nothing ever goes wrong when you're here," she said to me, as I'd just completed wrapping a piece of fabric around her, thereby turning it into a "shirt" that stayed up without needing to be pinned. "You always find everything, and you always know how to do everything."
Earlier in the day I'd located her mother's lost library card in a matter of minutes. The elusive swim masks weren't far behind. Earlier in the week I'd built a functional teepee in the park out of found logs. I can also French braid!
My talents are generally appreciated only by the very young.

I rarely do these sorts of things, but here goes:

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 01:53:20 GMT

In manner of eloquentice:
List 10 songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your summer. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your 10 songs. Then tag 10 other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Broken Social Scene- Ibi Dreams of Pavement (A Better Day)
2. The Maine- The Way We Talk
3. Leslie Hall- Test 10 Guys
4. Coconut Records- West Coast
5. Brand New- Jesus Christ
6. Brand New- You Won't Know
7. Alkaline Trio- Help Me
8. Rilo Kiley- It's A Hit
9. Mike Doughty- I Hear the Bells
10. The Dandy Warhols- We Used to Be Friends

I'm not really into the tagging thing, so if you chose to do so, go for it!

This says it all!

JessSavedtheDay@gmail.com — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:20:16 GMT

"How many feelings do *you* have?...